we all have our own wells

"Why do we fall...? So that we can learn to pick
ourselves up." -Thomas Wayne, Batman Begins (2005)

Now what do you do when you've been falling for so long that you can't remember how to stand on your own two feet? Unfortunately humans weren't created to fly so we can't just spread those wings and go back up to where we fell from. Even Batman had his fancy hooks and ropes. Spidey (who is mostly human) had his web. And don't give me that shit about Superman - he's a freaking alien. Back to our topic. If we could fly, we'd never fall (except for the time when we were still learning how).

You gotta hit the ground. Eventually. There is no such thing as a bottomless pit.

And hitting the ground sucks. Trust me, It freaking hurts. You're lucky if you don't get bruised or if you don't break or fracture anything or even die! But there's an upside to this. Someone (it better be yourself) gets to learn how to pick your ass up. Whether someone (or a few) are there to (help) pick you up you get off the ground and you go from there (hopefully not to the morgue).

I think I finally hit the ground. I can't pinpoint when I first started falling... initially I think it was sometime in grade 4... but all I know is that this spiral downwards has come to a stop. Wow, that's a full decade right there. See? I told you it sucks. I'm not gonna go into the details of what kind of falling this is or how I hit the ground. All we need to know is that I'm in the process of picking myself up.

Here's to the future. May I not make the same mistakes lest I spiral downwards all over again.

D'EVOL...

All energy is lost in the nausea.

Cold hands, anxiety, the fear of loneliness all blended to torment the mind in the darkness of the starlight or street light depending on where you are. Pull those sheets over your head and carress that pillow for it is all that you have. Think to yourself, "Daylight, where art thou?" and fall asleep to image of the smile and soul-piercing eyes, the sound of the voice that you have memorized, and the warmth of the arms which you could die happily in. Grind those teeth in the madness until you dream of the sweetness that you long for.

Yes, this is only temporary.

these pieces will break loose if i don't do something now

this is gonna be a quickie.... more of a personal blog to keep me in track rather than something to share with everyone. you as a reader are not obligated to continue reading from this point.

i woke up this morning to the realization of how much of a slacker i've been. sure, i get things done, and sure, the grades are acceptable but i know that i've got so much more that i can give if i just wasn't so damn lazy. yes, i'm LAZY! i hate it but i just can't seem to give more than what i'm giving now. plus, i have this thing where i cannot concentrate on work while my parents are home or awake. unfortunately by the time they're asleep i'm too tired to do work.

i tell myself, "Dicipline, Shayne, dicipline is the key." as well as "You know you can do it!" but the moment hear a nag or two from the other side of my room door (even if it's not directed at me) i just want to sleep. but i can't just sleep everything off. there are a lot of things in life i want to reach and by doing the things that i'm doing now there's no way i will reach such stature. there's just no way i can afford to let things slip in between my fingers. not now. i may still be young but that doesn't entitle me to take backward steps or to even status quo everything as much as it would be nice for a month or two. time's a tickin' and it will never wait.

final thoughts and boosters: "think about the things you want to reach and to have. no one can take away your education and it is the only thing that will ensure your success. this is also how you will be able to help the people that you love. cherish it, nurture it, and it will bear you the sweetest of fruits."

safety feature

in the cellar of reflections,
i pry into my entire being,
finding reasons and figuring out,
what made me feel so empty.

shrouded in lethargic routine,
running hither and further,
you came and fire-lit my tunnel,
and warmed my frozen hands.

i've seen sweetness before,
it radiated such brightness,
with much colour and glory,
only with you did i get to taste it.

am i worthy of such fruit?
i question myself;
deserveth i joy, exhiliration, silence,
a haven from all things disconcerting?

i beckon not an answer,
for i reckon there is no need.
to fate's mercy i truly beg,
such emptiness never to return.

the deep well

his eyes penetrate mine like acid through a weak examination glove;

burning the skin, flesh, and eventually my bones.

i fall.

the strike of the ground against my chest takes all the air out.

i gasp for breath..

and look away.

Counteracting the Curse

So you're out and about when it catches your eye. You go crazy. This is it, you want this and there's no stopping you now.

A few minutes later you find yourself at a register and you've just dropped yet another load of cash on a cool new t-shirt. Naturally you can't wait to wear it so you drop it in the wash (under the delicate setting or maybe even hand-wash) and then throw it in the dryer. Sweet deal. The moment has come at last. You take it out of the dryer and the beloved new t-shirt has WARPED!

100 % cotton. You'd think that with the technology we have now people would make these t-shirts so that they won't warp when you laundry them. Sure, we as humans have tried our best with the different blends of material that ensure clothing that doesn't warp but nothing beats wearing pure cotton. And sure there are a lot of shirts out there that have been made with such care that they don't warp either but I feel that there should be a standard set in place for ALL t-shirts. It's not fair. We pay good money for these. We're a t-shirt society.

Worst t-shirt warp case to date.

Other shirts that have warped.

Solution: Stretch them back out and lay them flat to dry.

Now if you've got lots of time to kill you can take it a step further and iron your t-shirts. I'll admit to have done that on several occasions.

Love your t-shirts and they will love you.